How to Boost Your Happiness

You want to be happy. I want to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy. "Happiness,” according to Aristotle, “is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence." How is it, then, that the rates of depression in the U.S. are ten times higher than they were 50 years ago? Furthermore, how is it that the average age for the onset of depression is 14 as compared to 29 in 1960? Where have we gone wrong?

The revolutionary Positive Psychology movement has ushered in the Science of Happiness. New research helps clarify the concept. It is in our nature to pursue happiness and we can learn how to create it.

Sonja Lyubomirsky,* a psychology researcher, studied the behaviors and practices that make people happy. These are her eight “Happiness Boosters”:
1. Count your blessings. Write down what you are grateful for every day.
2. Practice acts of kindness. This makes you feel generous and capable, gives you a greater sense of connection with others, and garners approval and reciprocated kindess.
3. Savor life’s joys. Notice the wonder, delight, and simple pleasures of life.
4. Express gratitude and appreciation often.
5. Learn to forgive. Let go of anger toward others. Practicing forgiveness frees you and allows you to move on.
6. Invest time and energy in family and friends. Close relationships seem to be the most important factor in a satisfying life.
7. Take care of your body on a regular basis. Get enough sleep and exercise. Stretch your body. Laughter can lift your mood and make your days more satisfying.
8. Develop strategies for coping with stress and hardships. Find beliefs and other resources that help you get through the tough times.

In his book Authentic Happiness, Dr. Martin Seligman discusses the Three Roads to a Happy, Satisfied Life:
• Pleasure
• Engagement—depth of involvement
• Meaning—using personal strengths to serve a larger end.

Although many Americans build their lives around the pursuit of pleasure, it is actually the least consequential of Seligman’s three roads. The other two—engagement and meaning—are much more important for happiness.

How you define the word “happiness” is crucial. When the word “happy” is defined too broadly it can be a set-up for misery. For example, “happily ever after” is a myth. When it is too narrowly defined it will also lead to misery. For example, “I’ll be happy if he buys me diamond earrings for my birthday.” When your definition is “just right,” you can find happiness everyday and everywhere, in the wonder, delight, and simple pleasures of life. They’re there. Don’t miss them! Then savor the good feelings.

Charlie Brown had it all figured out. Here’s his wisdom from the finale of “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown”:
• Happiness is learning to whistle.
• Happiness is walking hand in hand.
• Happiness is climbing a tree.
• Happiness is having a sister and getting along.
• Happiness is anyone and anything at all that’s loved by you.

These three diverse authorities point to what’s most important: close relationships with caring people, and knowing how to get along. This is what is known as Social Intelligence. Lucky kids learn these skills early on in their families. The rest of us—myself included—learn from our mistakes, from other people’s mistakes, and from reading books and taking classes.

The problem is that many of us were taught the wrong things! Like having to be perfect. Like always looking for faults and weaknesses—and missing the good stuff. Like having to win—often at the expense of others. Like comparing ourselves with everyone else. Like disrespecting ourselves and other people. As a result, we suffer from low self-esteem and unhappiness.

Without knowing it, we have all downloaded bad information. But now we are smarter. We can examine the “glitches” and “bugs” in our “programming” and make necessary corrections. Learning new ideas and new skills can help us be happier. As we grow, our self-esteem and relationships will improve, and we’ll notice that we are smiling more often.

Happiness includes contentment, satisfaction, well-being, joy, pleasure, gratitude, and appreciation. The secrets to lasting fulfillment, according to the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar, are: 1) goals that bring us meaning and direction in life, and 2) playing and having fun on a daily basis. By following these prescriptions and guidelines, we can create happiness ever after—one day at a time.

{* Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, at the University of California at Riverside, in the Time Magazine cover story article titled, The New Science of Happiness, January 17, 2005.}

____________________
© 2008 Dr. Louise Hart is Community Psychologist, parent educator, grandmother and author of two books:

• On the Wings of Self-Esteem: Jack Canfield (author of Chicken Soup for the Soul) said: "It's a wonderful book! If everyone in America read this book and did the recommended exercises, half of all the pain and suffering we now experience would disappear."

• The Winning Family: Increasing Self-Esteem in Your Children and Yourself, a guide to Positive Parenting, praised by Dr. Barry Brazelton and also Mothering Magazine: “Uniquely inspiring, accessible, an non-guilt provoking!”

For more information, or to sign up for her free, inspiring newsletter, visit http://www.drlouisehart.com.