An Attitude of Gratitude: The Key to a Sweet Life

Never in the history of human procreation has parenting been an easy endeavor. It comes naturally, to be sure, but juggling the needs of a family is anything but simple. Feeding, cleaning, and clothing children can be stressful enough, but when you add the responsibilities of a home, a spouse, and a job, the challenge can seem overwhelming. Yet the juggling act that parenting requires can call forth coping skills and creativity that we didn’t know we had.

“If, for a hundred thousand years, you’ve been stirring the soup with one hand and holding the baby with the other, kicking off the woolly mastodon with one foot and rocking a cradle with the other, watching out for the return of the hunters with one eye and determining with the other on which cave wall you will paint a magical bison, then you are going to develop a very complex consciousness,” writes Jean Houston.

And that was in the days before soccer practice, ballet lessons, and video games. No matter how you slice it, parenting is a lot of work.

Work was the primary value for my German immigrant parents. My father was a sheet metal worker whose hands were as hard as shoe leather. He would leave early in the morning and come home tired at night. His deepest belief was: “Arbeit macht das Leben süss.” Work makes life sweet.

My mother also saw work as her duty. Managing a household for eight people required a very strict schedule: On Monday she washed the clothes and hung them on the line. If they didn’t dry, or if it rained, she had to re-hang them in the basement. Tuesday was ironing day. She could iron a shirt in three minutes flat! On Wednesday she mended clothes. On Thursday she changed the bedding and cleaned upstairs. Friday was her day to clean downstairs. On Saturday she shopped for groceries, baked bread, and made soup stock for the week. On Sunday, after church, she made a pot roast or chicken.

In addition to the weekly routine, she also had to “spring clean” the whole house, dig and plant the garden, can tomatoes and applesauce in the fall, and bake special breads and cookies for Christmas. She was so busy working so hard for us that there was little time or energy left for sweet “quality time” with us.

Some important things were missing in our house. For example, I rarely heard anyone express gratitude. Neither of my parents gave or received appreciation for hard work. They had probably never actually heard gratitude expressed in in their own families of originl. As a result, they had no idea how to express appreciation for each other or for us. And we children didn’t learn how to do it either. Yet gratitude would have added much sweetness to our family life.

When people feel unappreciated, their self-esteem sags. They may feel resentful, or they may complain about how hard they work and how ungrateful everyone is. Instead of moaning and groaning when you feel this way, you might try to ask for what you want: “I worked hard today and would like a hug, applause, and/or a pat on the back.”

If you’re not getting the strokes you need, you can give them to yourself. Tell yourself what you want to hear: “Good for you! That dinner was delicious.” Give yourself a pat on the back when you deserve it or need it. Then pat someone else’s. Your kids will pick this up from you.

It’s so easy to say, “Thanks for what you did.” “You did a good job!” Acknowledge efforts. Encourage others. Be generous with your kind words. They reduce tension, increase motivation, and sweeten relationships.

When we live with gratitude, we focus on what’s right rather than on what’s wrong. We look at what we do have rather than what we don’t have. Exercising gratitude can improve our physical and mental health, raise our energy level, and even relieve our pain and fatigue. Get a gratitude journal. Write down things for which you are thankful every day. It will increase your overall satisfaction with life and boost your happiness.

© 2008 Dr. Louise Hart is Community Psychologist, parent educator, grandmother and author of two books:

• On the Wings of Self-Esteem: Jack Canfield (author of Chicken Soup for the Soul) said: "It's a wonderful book! If everyone in America read this book and did the recommended exercises, half of all the pain and suffering we now experience would disappear."

• The Winning Family: Increasing Self-Esteem in Your Children and Yourself, a guide to Positive Parenting, praised by Dr. Barry Brazelton.

For more information, or to sign up for her free newsletter, visit http://www.drlouisehart.com.